the top five reasons why i very nearly punched the lady who led the YA lit. conference i attended yesterday

5. She played Elvis songs during every single break, simply because she spoke for two minutes on a book titled Love Me Tender. Twice, she commented on her own cleverness.

4. She kept referring to any gay, lesbian, or bisexual character as being "transgendered," leading me to think that she either has no idea what it means to be transgendered, or she thinks that anyone who is not straight must not identify with her or her gender. Either way, it was annoyingly ignorant.

3. For six solid hours, she spoke with the very same tone, inflection and crazed sort of enthusiasm that one might expect to hear a kindergarten teacher use when speaking to a room full of five-year-olds. Yet, not a single one of us were five. I know, because I checked.

2. She made me solve puzzles.

1. The resource materials she wrote were filled with some of the most bizarre uses of quotation marks I think I've ever seen. At times, they were rude, as in her description of Todd Strasser's Boot Camp:

This "riveting" novel reveals an inside look into secretive and dangerous real boot camps.

(So maybe it's not so riveting! No need to be a sarcastic jerk about it.)

Other times, they were strangely cryptic, as in her description of Point Blank: A Graphic Novel:

Alex is back in class after two weeks of the "flu" until his services are needed again - this time to infiltrate a private boys' "finishing" school.

(Wait. He didn't really have the flu? Then what was it? Something embarrassing, perhaps? Explosive diarrhea? Gonorrhea? Getting that third nipple removed?? And if it wasn't a finishing school, then what was it? A clown school? A Japanese pick-up school? A terrorist school?? Whatever are you hiding, Alex?!?

And occasionally, they were just plain odd, as in her blurb on How to Be Bad:

On a weekend roundtrip, three high school girls experience "broken hearts," "tested friendships," and a "hot stranger."

(So, if their hearts weren't really broken, the friendships never tested and the hot strangers merely ugly people they already knew, then what's the point? Sounds like a boring trip, ladies.)

And yet, I only imagined myself punching her in the face. Somebody get this girl a cookie!

totally random list: my top five nerd crushes

#5: Mos Def

Nerd Cred:

• Studied experimental theater at New York University.
  
• Hosted HBO's Def Poetry
• Played Ford Prefect in the film adaptation of one of the nerdiest books of all time, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
• Has been known to rock the occasional sweater vest.

Why I Love Him:

Mos Def is a Renaissance man, and I luuurve me a Renaissance man. He acts, raps, digs on poetry, and is socially and politically active. Also, he's hot. So very, very, very hot.

#4: Jon Stewart

Nerd Cred:

• Played the french horn in his high school's band
• Suffered harassment in school for being Jewish
• Has somehow become a legitimate news source for a significant portion of America, despite the fact that he is on a fake news show
• Is wicked, wicked smart on said fake news show

Why I Love Him:

I have a soft soft for funny, self-deprecating men, and Stewart has both of those qualities in spades. If he weren't on way past my bedtime, then I would listen to his funny, dreamy face deliver fake news every single night. (It also doesn't hurt his case that he named his daughter "Maggie," which just so happens to be the bestest name in the entire history of names.)

#3: Jonathan Safran Foer

Nerd Cred:

• Studied philosophy and literature at Princeton University
• Was awarded the Senior Creative Writing Thesis Prize at Princeton
• Wrote a brilliant post-modern debut novel, Everything Is Illuminated, that is incredibly unique, polarizing, and extraordinarily pretentious

Why I Love Him:

Honestly, I didn't much care for Everything Is Illuminated, but in his second novel, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Foer stole my heart with the story of small little Oskar and his heavy boots. Creative people are my favorite sort of people, and when they're as handsome as Mr. Foer is, well, they find themselves on my blog, I guess.

#2: Colin Meloy

Nerd Cred:

• Majored in Creative Writing in college
• Writes whimsical, epic prog-rock songs about vengeful mariners and mythological Japanese cranes
• Sings stories
• Possesses a massive vocabulary
• Knows how to play the bouzouki
• Wears horn-rimmed glasses

Why I Love Him:

Besides being absolutely adorable, Mr. Meloy is not at all the pretentious, humorless fellow I had always assumed him to be. You may remember me mentioning that I had the opportunity to see The Decemberists last week, and one of the most pleasant things about the entire experience was how genuinely funny their front man was, not to mention genuine, silly and totally cool. And did I mention he's adorable? So very, very adorable?

#1: Anderson Cooper

Nerd Cred:

• Attended Yale University, where he studied Political Science and International Relations
• Interned with the CIA
• Worked first as a fact-checker, then later a reporter for Channel One, a youth-oriented news program
• Currently works as a 60 Minutes correspondent
• Awesomely, prematurely grey

Why I Love Him:

If you need me to justify why I love Anderson Cooper, then you are a blind person. An amazingly talented blind person who can somehow read my blog despite an utter lack of vision, but a blind person nonetheless.

What? Anderson Cooper's gay, you say? I'm sorry, huh? I totally wasn't even trying to hear you just now...

pointless sunday list: the five most overrated films of all time (according to me)

#5:  Titanic (1997)

The only reason that Titanic comes in at #5 is because I'm fairly confident that there are very few who would try to argue that this film is not overrated.   A cliched story of two star-crossed lovers undone by circumstances beyond their control, Titanic offers positively nothing new in terms of plot or theme.  Sure, the acting is fine, the plot pedestrian but not terrible, and the set meticulously researched and executed. But really... it's the top money making film of all time?  It ran in the theaters for an incredible 9 months?  The Academy - a group of people who are supposed to know more than the rest of us about what makes for great cinema - felt this sappy, over-priced soap opera was deserving of an award for Best Picture?  Really???  My current theory is that Celine Dion embedded subliminal messages into "My Heart Will Go On," forcing the mass of humanity to go temporarily insane for the whole of 1997 until the latter part of 1998, when we finally awoke - confused, hung-over, and wondering what the hell we were all thinking.

#4:  Forrest Gump (1994)

I'm not going to lie - I loved Forrest Gump when I first saw it in the theater.  Of course, I was also sixteen-years-old and still pretty wet behind the ears.   But even now that I'm older, snootier, and significantly more jaded, I'll admit that Forrest Gump is an enjoyable film with a fantastic soundtrack.  It's just that it's all a little too cutesy, convenient, and artificial to truly be deserving of all the serious critical praise heaped upon it.  Seriously, it won six Oscars, including one for Best Picture.  And, sorry, but...how?  Was the Academy comprised entirely of sixteen-year-old girls that year? Stupid is as stupid does, indeed.

#3: Scarface (1983)

Ugh...Scarface.  Just saying its name makes the bile rise in my throat.  Unlike the rest of the films taking up spots on this list, Scarface is the only one that I will argue is a truly terrible movie with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever.   It is a poorly acted, poorly written, comically violent, flaming piece of crap.  Every single character is unlikeable, Pacino's Cuban accent is laughable, and it's sprinkled with just enough jump cuts and f-bombs to make every fifteen-year-old boy in America laud it as a work of sheer brilliance.  And for those who would try to defend its language and violence on the basis that it is a gangster movie, then please - watch Goodfellas, The Godfather or Casino to see how it's supposed to be done.  If I could, I would tell this movie off, right before punching it out in front of all its jerk-face friends.   Scarface.  Blech.

#2: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1986)

Okay, hear me out on this one.  I know that 2001: A Space Odyssey is considered a pioneering film in terms of visual effects, and I will not even attempt to argue that it is undeserving of that praise.  However, in terms of plot it's a three hour long, confusing, meandering mess.  This movie crawled as far as pacing, and not in way that I could defend for its artistry.  As a cinematographic exercise, "2001" is great; however, as a watchable film, I'm sorry but it's a giant FAIL.  Now go on, sci-fi nerds  - throw your Spock ears at me.  I'm a big girl.  I can take it.

#1: Citizen Kane (1941)

Citizen Kane is widely considered the finest, most important film ever made.  It's the #1 film listed on the AFI's Top 100 Films of All Time, and is hailed a masterpiece by critics great and small.  But what I honestly want to know is, why?  Sure, technically speaking, Kane is pretty great.  As a character sketch, it does the job quite nicely.  And in 1941, its techniques were highly innovative and worthy of both admiration and awe.  But if one were to compile a list of its charms, then surely pacing and plot would not be listed  among them.  Speaking frankly, Citizen Kane takes tremendous effort to watch, and does not warrant multiple viewings.  Is it a bad movie? No.  Is it an important movie?  Yes.  Is it the single best film ever made?  Um, no.  I think not.

an album for every year

Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to get a book review together for today - these things happen when you decide to read a 600+ page book - so instead I'm going to take a cue from Carrie and participate in this fun little music game that comes via The A.V. Club. The idea is to pick a favorite album for every year you've been alive. It can either be something you loved at the time or something you love today, and though it sounds easy, oh no. Not so.

After spending the better part of the weekend bitterly conflicted over Pinkerton vs. Odelay I eventually realized I had to come up with some sort of universal criteria for my choices. And so, my list primarily consists of the albums that have stood the test of time for me. Thus, you won't see Debbie Gibson's Out of the Blue on here, although I won't pretend that I didn't rock the socks off of that little bugger for the better part of 1988. In the event of a real conundrum - Beck vs. Weezer or Tori Amos vs. Portishead being the two biggest - I ultimately decided that I'd choose the album I still listen to the most today. This does not necessarily make it the better album, mind you. Odelay is a near-perfect album, and yet I had to pass it by because I honestly can't remember the last time I listened to it. (And shame on me for that.)

But without further ado, here she goes:

1978 - Bruce Springsteen, Darkness on the Edge of Town

1979 - Pink Floyd, The Wall

1980 - Joy Division, Closer

1981 - The Go-Go's, Beauty and the Beat

1982 - Michael Jackson, Thriller

1983 - The Violent Femmes, The Violent Femmes

1984 - The Smiths, Hatful of Hollow

1985 - John Cougar Mellencamp, Scarecrow

1986 - Paul Simon, Graceland

1987 - Guns 'N Roses, Appetite for Destruction

1988 - Tracy Chapman, Tracy Chapman

1989 - Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique

1990 - George Michael, Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1

1991 - Red Hot Chili Peppers, Blood Sugar Sex Magik

1992 - R.E.M, Automatic for the People

1993 - The Cure, Show

1994 - Portishead, Dummy

1995 - Belly, King

1996 - Weezer, Pinkerton

1997 - Radiohead, OK Computer

1998 - tie: Neutral Milk Hotel, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea and Elliott Smith, XO*

1999 - Fiona Apple, When the Pawn...

2000 - Radiohead, Kid A

2001 - The White Stripes, White Blood Cells

2002 - Coldplay, A Rush of Blood to the Head

2003 - The White Stripes, Elephant

2004 - Arcade Fire, Funeral

2005 - The Decemberists, Picaresque

2006 - Band of Horses, Everything All the Time

2007 - The National, Boxer

2008 - So far it's a toss-up between Beck's Modern Guilt and Thao's We Brave Bee Stings, however we shall see...

*I know this is cheating, but I'd rather have these two albums than 80% of the ones on this list, making choosing between these two a Sophie's Choice that I'm just not willing to make. So sue me.

General Post-List Reflections:

Had I actually been born in 1977 and not just a bun in my mama's oven then The Muppet Show Album would have been my choice for that year. I ain't joking. I'm thirty-years-old and that little lovely still holds up.

It was harder than it should have been for me to not choose Deee-Lite's World Clique for my 1990 album.

With the release of U2's Actung Baby, Nirvana's Nevermind, Pearl Jam's Ten and Red Hot Chili Peppers' Blood Sugar Sex Magik, 1991 was an absolutely ridiculous year for music. Don't think I didn't agonize over my choice, however Blood Sugar Sex Magik was the very first CD I ever purchased, and thus it trumps the rest.

1988 and 2001 were particularly weak years for music. I would totally trade them in for another 1991 or 1997.

My sincerest apologies to the following: Deltron's Deltron 3030, The Cure's Wish, Tori Amos's Under the Pink, Talking Heads' True Stories, Beck's Odelay, Patty Griffin's Living with Ghosts, Over the Rhine's Eve, and Pavement in general. I love you. Don't think I didn't try to find a way to fit you in.

Who in Hades is Anal Cunt, and how did they manage to pump out an album almost every single year for the last 20 years?

For the most part, my list is very "Stuff White People Like".

Overall, though hard, this was a pretty fun little undertaking. Should you feel inclined to post your list on your own blog (or share your thoughts in the comments in the event that you don't have a blog), I'd certainly encourage you to do so. I'd love to hear what others would choose!

my 20 favorite albums of 2007: #5-1

I realized this morning that I never did get around to finishing this, and since I'm sure the suspense is positively killing you - cold sweats, uncontrollable twitchiness and the like - I suppose I'll have to do something about that. So, let's...

#5: Beirut, The Flying Club Cup
What can I say? I'm a lady who occasionally craves a little trumpet and ukulele in her music. I suppose Beirut isn't for everyone, but considering the fact that I also like black olives, anchovies, lima beans and prefer my licorice to be black, I suppose he's pretty firmly for me.
Favorites: "The Penalty" and "Guyamas Sonata"

#4: Spoon, "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga"
A nearly perfect indie-rock album that was unfortunately saddled with an absolutely horrible name. At least for me, there aren't any real stand-out "wow" moments on "Ga Ga...", which is what probably keeps me from loving it as hard as some others I know, but I do like it. Quite a bit, actually.
Favorites: "Rhthm and Soul", "Don't You Evah" and "The Underdog"

#3: Andrew Bird, Armchair Apocrypha
I read somewhere that Andrew Bird's songs come from random melodies he creates while whistling as he works on his chicken farm. I love that.
Favorites: "Plasticities", "Armchairs" and "Imitosis"

#2: Radiohead, In Rainbows
Good God I love In Rainbows - a return to form that's equal parts pretty, innovative and rockin'. It's all great, but when "Reckoner" hits the 3:08 mark I melt. Despite (or perhaps because of) all their experimental side-tracks, I still firmly contend that Radiohead is perhaps the best band doing it right now. You can try to challenge me on this point, but - well - you'll lose.

Favorites: "Reckoner", "Jigsaw Falling into Place"

 #1: The National, Boxer
 This one really surprised me because I only half liked their previous  effort, Matt Berninger's baritone voice is the sort that I would usually  find terribly off-putting, and Radiohead was supposed to be my trump  card, but try as I might I just kept coming back to Boxer. It's darkly beautiful and lyrically poetical, which are two things that slay me every time. Love, love, love...
Favorites: The whole thing, really, but "Slow Show" and "Brainy" if I were forced to choose.

Now here, eat your lima beans already because it's high time I go remind myself where the gym is...

my 20 favorite albums of 2007: #10-6

Eat me to be big...Drink me to be small

(And for those of you who think I'm speaking a different language when I write these music posts, I know you just ignore them and that's okay.  I'm almost done, I swear!)

#10: The White Stripes, Icky Thump

Icky Thump took me a bit longer to "get" compared to all of White's previous efforts, but got there I did. Sure, Jack White can be pedantic and his choice in hairstyles is certainly suspect, but with this he can also prove himself to be completely versatile and eclectic. Icky Thump successfully bounces around between sweet and pretty, to slightly country, to an Irish sort of folk, to straight-up bluesy, and to downright weird, and I happen to be a lady who digs a man with range.

Favorite: "Effect and Cause"

#9: Menomena, Friend and Foe

Each time I set out to rank this one, I found myself having to put it higher and higher than I originally planned to. This album is seamlessly and impressively well-layered, and its perceived lo-fi simplicity really masks an impressive complexity. Also, it rocks. Even the cover art is awesome!

Favorites: "Weird", "The Pelican"

#8: Okkervil River, The Stage Names

Admittedly, I had never heard of Okkervil River before The Stage Names, and if their previous efforts are anything like it then I've most certainly been missing out. There's a reason this is one of the best reviewed albums of the year.

Favorites: "Plus Ones", "John Allyn Smith Sails"

#7: The Arcade Fire, Neon Bible

No, it's not in my top five; no, I haven't drunk that kool-aid. But, it's good. I adore exactly half of the songs on Neon Bible (and the rest I like well enough too).

Favorites: "The Well and the Lighthouse", "(Antichrist Television Blues)"

#6: Of Montreal, Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

By now you probably already know of my love of and former involvement with musical theater and my deep appreciation for both harmonies and lyricism, but did I ever tell you about my very brief but glorious stint as a pseudo-raver kid? Well, if I had then you'd better understand my unashamed, unabashed, unwavering love for Of Montreal.

Favorites: "A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsvinger", "Gronlandic Edit"

Finally, I'll leave you with a video of myself as I dance to Of Montreal's "A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsvinger". My, but don't I look lovely?!?

my 20 favorite albums of 2007: #15-11

(#20-16 is this way, in case you missed it and care about such things...)

#15: The Rosebuds, Night of the Furies

In retrospect, I probably should have ranked this album lower since, overall, it's really just okay at best; however, moody synth-pop is to me what a shiny piece of aluminum foil is to a raccoon.  Terrifically distracting.

Love: "Hold on to This Coat", "Silja Line"

#14: Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank

Call me crazy, but I like "We Were Dead..." better than "Good News for People Who Hate Bad News".  Or, at least I like it more consistently.  And by the way, does anyone know what Isaac Brock is so dang angry about?  Just curious...

Love: "People as Places as People", "Fly Trapped in a Jar"

#13: Band of Horses: Cease to Begin

I admit that after Everything All the Time, Cease to Begin sometimes feels like taking a step backwards rather than foreword, however it's still a really good album.  "Cigarettes, Wedding Bands" alone is worth the price of admission.  (And on a side note, after watching several YouTube clips of this band performing live in all their hippie, shaggy-haired glory, I can only assume that Mrs. White at a Band of Horses show would be comparable to Paris Hilton at a MENSA cocktail party.  I'd have me some inebriated fun, however it would quickly become apparent that I really just don't fit in with this crowd.)

Love: "Cigarettes, Wedding Bands", "The General Specific"

#12: The Shins: Wincing the Night Away

No, there's nothing particularly new or inventive here, but there isn't a bad song to be found, either.  Solid. Tight. Catchy. Good.

Love: "Australia", "Turn on Me"

#11:  Elliott Smith: New Moon

Although listening to this posthumous album makes me seven sorts of sad, I can't seem to stop, especially recently since the weather's turned.  Not that I could forget, but damn was he amazing.  Miss, miss, miss.

Love: "Big Decision", "Georgia, Georgia"

And since for obvious reasons I can't link to performances of any material from New Moon, here instead is my fourth favorite from Smith's repertoire: a live performance of "Angeles" in which he almost seems happy. Or, at least a close approximation of happy...

my 20 favorite albums of 2007: #20-16 (and my top disappointments thrown in just to keep things interesting)

My original intent was to write about my favorite ten musical releases of the year, but after sitting down to sort out what those would be and realizing that I had acquired 65 new albums this year (57 which were released in 2007), it became clear that I would have an absolutely impossible time limiting myself to just ten. And so, I whittled things down to 20 of my favorites and broke one monstrously long post up into four much more manageably-sized ones, which I'll be posting over the course of the next four weeks.

These are things you care about, even if you don't realize it yet.

But before all that, here are my two biggest musical disappointments of 2007, and in no particular order:

Interpol, Our Love to Admire
Although not a total lost cause (I rather like "The Heinrich Maneuver" and "All Fired Up"), two good songs an album does not make. It seems that a certain band of moody hipsters have finally gotten too big for their britches, assuming no one would notice if they put out a half-hearted piece of crap. Well, I noticed. Do better.

The New Pornographers, Challengers
I know. I'm surprised too. However, sometimes music is yummy and sometimes it's icky, and Challengers - well - it just tastes icky to me, which is a shame because I really, really like this band. Boo, man. Boo.

But, now let's on to the positive, yes?...

#20: Panda Bear, Person Pitch
To know me is to know that I am not at all afraid of experimental and weird. Person Pitch is what I imagine The Beach Boys would sound like if they dropped some acid and wrote an album for today. And even though I'm not entirely sure what I mean by that, I do know what I mean when I say that Person Pitch is actually quite brilliant. I'd have liked to rank it higher because I'm pretty sure that's what it deserves, however I just didn't listen to it enough for some reason.
What I Like Most: "Take Pills"



#19: !!!, Myth Takes
I'm probably a bit too old to like this band, but whatever. For God's sake, I still get carded for "R" rated movies, so I'm planning to keep denying my age and ride this funky train for as long as humanly possible. (Or, at least until I start to wrinkle.)
Best Moment(So Says I): "All my Heroes are Weirdos"


#18: Voxtrot, Voxtrot

I sure hope Ramesh isn't too mad at me for ranking this band so low, but even I can't excuse the two or three total duds on their debut. Even still, there are songs on here that I unashamedly adore, and so I just couldn't keep it off the list. So sue me.
Songs I'd Recommend: "Kid Gloves" and "Brother in Conflict"


#17: Explosions in the Sky, All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone
Prior to Explosions in the Sky I would never consider myself a fan of instrumental rock, however they've convinced me. I wrote 75% of this year's blog entries and graded a mountain of papers to this album. Perfectly lovely yet not at all distracting music to write to is what it is.

My Favorite: "Catastrophe and the Cure"

#16: LCD Soundsystem, Sound of Silver

Oh, Sound of Silver. I loved you hard for two solid months and then completely forgot about you. Remember how we logged all hours on the treadmill together? How you kept me company while driving to work during the entire month of September? How I danced to you in my kitchen when I was alone and thought no one was looking? I'm sorry I forgot about you, little buddy. But see - I'm remembering you now! So, all's forgiven, right???
Me Likes: "Sound of Silver" and "Get Innocuous!"

And there's more coming. Just not today.

top ten things i missed about america whilst in europe

I'm still working up the energy for that proper back-from-Italy post I promised you (and it is coming, whether you want it or not), but until then, here's the top ten reasons why Europe is a wonderful place to visit but I just don't think I could live there:

10. Television
I admit that judging all of European television programing based on what I caught piecemeal while in my hotel room isn't exactly a fair tool for comparison, and though it's intriguing that you can usually catch some form of nudity pretty much any time over there, plus watching The Simpsons and Zoolander in Italian does have its funny little charms, however I was surprised at how much I missed watching reruns of Law and Order, HBO (even in the summer time) and all manifestations of competitive, reality-based cooking shows. And this is coming from a woman who barely watches tv anymore.

9. Music
Again, in the same way that American radio sucks a big one, I'm sure that European radio isn't the best tool to judge their musical tastes, however...really? It's like a 1984 revival over there. People are still sincerely listening to Toto and making god-awful, disco covers of The Smiths' "Bigmouth Strikes Again." I'll reserve judgement about that first one since I sheepishly admit that "Africa" is on on my iPod, but that second one should be a crime punishable by death. (Or at least a good flogging.)

8. Water
My hair felt funny all week. And not ha-ha funny.

7. Breakfast
I usually don't eat breakfast, however I reached a point around day five when I would have killed for some bacon and eggs. A girl can only take so much crusty bread and dry crackers before she becomes a bit of a cranky pants.

6. Space
Whether it be the size of hotel rooms, bathrooms, street widths, bed widths or dinner proportions everything's a bit small there. But I do have some claustrophobia issues and am a spoiled, gluttonous American most days...

5. Meat
Pasta's nice, but not twice a day every day. I've never been a big meat eater, but boy oh boy how I missed big pieces of processed animal parts.

4. Enforcement of traffic laws
It's surprising how much I appreciated American traffic cops, but I did. Did you know they don't even have lane lines on the streets in Rome? It's like Tunderdome, man. Kill or be killed.

3. Ridiculously big cups of watered-down American coffee
Espresso sucks at 7 am. There. I said it.

2. Being able to easily recognize the difference between a female prostitute and a Brazilian transexual
Distinctions are fuzzy in Italy, although I think I got the hang of it eventually. And yes, there's a story here. If you're lucky I might just tell it to you sometime.

1. And finally, You
Yep, I missed you. And I ain't afraid to admit it - not even a little bit. I sure do hope you missed me too.

2007: midterm report: 10 television moments that were always eager to participate/prepared for class

I’ve got some time on my hands now, so what the heck, let’s give this thing another shot. Discussing television is a bit of a challenge for me seeing as I don’t really watch much of it as of recent (hence, several shows are getting represented more than once) and much of the space in my long-term memory seems to be taken up with song lyrics and quotes from cult movies, so I often forget the fine details of what I do watch. In short, I’m sure there’s plenty to criticize in my little list so go right on ahead, but be nice about it and remember - I’m a sensitive, delicate little flower. A delicate little flower who can break down doors with one swift hip check and could most likely hold her own in a street fight, but a flower nonetheless.

#10: The Amazing Race All Stars: "Low to the Ground, That's my Technique": Charla and Mirna lose.
I know. Choosing this moment is more about me being vindictive than it is about interesting television, but I just hate those whiny, passive-aggressive, oddly accented, a not-nice word that rhymes with witches so much. Overall, this season was only so-so, the finale was downright meh, I hardly remember which team won, and frankly I don't really care so long as Mirna and Shmirna didn't. And since lose they did, I can once again be confident that God's in heaven and all's right with the world...

#9: Survivor Fiji: "I Wanna See if I Can Make a Deal": Yau Man rivals Richard Hatch as one of the smartest competitors to play the game.
Who would have suspected that such a scrawny, old, goofy looking little dude would be such a beast! Smart, wily, likeable and with surprising athleticism Yau Man was always the little underdog who could, but this was the episode when he stole my heart. First, he spanks the big and buff Dreamz in a physical challenge to win the car he knew he was desperate for, then turns around and uses it as a bargaining tool, offering him the car in exchange for a promise of Final Four immunity. As if that wasn't enough, he then politically offers to send himself to Exile Island rather than send anyone else, and tops it all off at tribal council when he plays the hidden immunity idol at precisely the right time to save himself. So maybe he didn't win the million, but for all of this Yau Man scored himself a place on my "if the opportunity were to present itself Nate has given me permission" list, and some might consider that a prize in and of itself.

#8: Tracy Morgan is drunk on live tv and I, once again, thank God for YouTube.
I know you’ve seen this already, but just do yourself a favor and watch it again.

“I don’t have what LL got. I don’t got biscuits, I got a loaf of bread.”


#7: Heroes: “Five Years Gone”: It’s the end of the world as we know it and everyone has awesome hair.
A trip into a dystopian future reveals that the bomb went off and, consequently, shit is messed up, but Peter’s totally hot and sporting a superbadass scar, Nathan is the president and sketchy as hell, Niki finally begins to have some sort of purpose and connection to everyone else (sort of ), and future Hiro is such a super stud that he’s scary to his present-day self. It’s good stuff, I say.

#6 30 Rock: “The Source Awards”: Shooting people at the Source Awards is a tradition. Like Christmas.
If this show ever gets cancelled, you'll find me going through the classic stages of grief : fear, denial, horniness, wisdom, sleepiness, and then depression.


#5 Lost: “Through the Looking Glass”: Charlie dies a good death.
Funny thing, I spent the better part of the last two seasons wondering when they were going to kill this whiny cat off already, but when it finally happened I was a bit sad to see the little monkey go. Fortunately, his death had purpose, he not only took it like a man but essentially sacrificed himself for the common good, and even the sharpie made sense. Plus, this is the episode when Locke is resurrected (told you he’d be fine!) and Jack has a pretty intriguing flash forward leading me to hypothesize that in the future Kate’s with Sawyer and Locke is the man whose funeral no one bothered to attend. But that’s what you get for threatening to shoot your friends in an attempt to try and stop a call that would allow them to get the heck off of that crappy island, I guess!

#4 The Office: "Product Recall": Who wouldn't want their prom invitation to have a watermark of a duck giving it to a mouse?
I'm not sure what was funnier, Angela's attempts at damage control, Andy's discovery that his "girlfriend" is a high school student, Jim's impression of Dwight, Dwight's impression of Jim, or Creed, who although responsible for sending out the paper with the obscene watermark somehow manages to squirrel his way out of trouble, blames it on some poor lady at the paper mill who loses her job for his mistake, and then tosses her farewell card, pocketing the money the employees collected for her. No, you're right. Creed's funnier.

#3 The Sopranos: "Heidi and Kennedy": So long, Chrissy, and thanks for all the peyote.
There were so many great episodes in the second half of the 6th and final season and I had a really hard time choosing between them, but this one ultimately wins a nod for one reason: Christopher's death. In retrospect I can see it was bound to happen, but this scene pretty much took me entirely off guard when I saw it for the first time. The moment when Tony opts to kill his nephew rather than call 911 is intense enough, but the way he spends the rest of the episode trying to convince everyone that Christopher's death is a good thing is engaging television if I've ever seen it.

(And not to beat a dead horse, but to all the tv-o-philes over at Pajiba and TVwoP I've given the finale over a week to digest, watched it twice, don't necessarily have a problem with how it ended exactly, but I still find it to be a mediocre episode. Yet, somehow I possess the mental faculties necessary to tie my own shoes. I know, I was surprised too. Someone contact Guinness.)

#2 Lost: "The Man Behind the Curtain": And somehow, things get even weirder than any of us thought possible.
Ben and Locke, two men with serious daddy issues, travel together through the heart of darkness to meet the man behind the curtain, Jacob, who turns out to be…a specter? a disembodied voice? a talking shrimp? We can’t really be sure, but he’s definitely not just a figment of Ben’s imagination and that makes me happy. Plus, it’s revealed that Ben is one scary dude who is not only willing to shoot Locke and leave him for dead in a creepy, skeleton-filled mass grave, but has no qualms with gassing an entire hippie community. Deliciously evil, I say!

#1 30 Rock: “Fireworks”: Will Arnett is a warlock! He came to entrance me!
I think I've watched this episode over 15 times, and it never ceases to make me giggle like a silly little fool, and because I like to giggle like a silly little fool I’m awarding it top honors.

(And if that don't make you smile, than I'm all out of ideas.)

2007: midterm report: fifteen songs that won't have to repeat my course next year

So, the rest of the posts in what was intended to be a series will most likely have to wait until next week since this week seems bound and determined to take me out to the back alley, kick my ass and leave me blind. But that's okay. I'll have more time, nothing to grade, and hopefully a whole lot less English dept. drama then. And did I mention more time? Soooo much beautiful time?! *yip!*

But here's the music one anyway, fifteen of my favorite songs of '07, and first let's start with two 2006 releases that I’d be remiss not to mention. Yes, let's...

#15: My Brightest Diamond - "Gone Away" (2006)
Like Joanna Newsom and Beirut, I'm fully aware that My Brightest Diamond is me at my most musically annoying. You don't understand how I can possibly like this. You're baffled, you roll your eyes, you secretly wonder if I might not be lying. But I'm a complicated lady who can't be defined or pigeon-holed, and, secretly, you find this irresistible. You maybe just don't realize it yet.

#14: Cold War Kids - "Saint John" (2006)
Although Robbers and Cowards was released in 2006 I never bothered to listen to it until ’07, and since this song has been in heavy, heavy rotation for the first six months of the year, I can’t in good conscious exclude it. And *whew!* doesn’t it end well - I say goddamn!

#13: Modest Mouse - "People as Places as People"
I suspect there are better songs on this album but this is the one where I hear Johnny Marr's influence the most - and just in case we haven’t met – I kinda have a red-hot thing for my Mr. Marr. Woof.

#12: The Shins - "Turn on Me"
You gotta hear this song! It’ll change your life, I swear! (And then we both find ourselves in a film homage to The Graduate that we find equal parts annoying and endearing. Or something like that.)

#11: Arcade Fire - "The Well and the Lighthouse"
You thought I’d say “Intervention” or “My Body is a Cage,” didn’t you? Well, nope, I choose this one. And I do so like to surprise.

#10: !!! - "Myth Takes"
There’s this surf-rock quality to this song that is irresistible to me. I like the album plenty but I love this track, and the fact that it, sounding nothing like rest of the album, was how these guys chose to kick it all off is kind of genius. (And yes, I realize I'm tossing that word around rather loosely.)

#9: Voxtrot - "Brothers in Conflict"
Perhaps because it's in the shadow of their eps, all of which I have a mad crush on, but Voxtrot's self-titled first full album release was a tiny bit of a disappointment to me. However, there are some solid, solid songs on it and this is one of them. Maybe more than any other, Voxtrot is one of those bands where I will go and see them as often as they come to me and I will unashamedly dance like an absolute fool the entire time, much to the embarrassement of all of those with me not named Carrie.

#8: Menomena - "Weird"
Normally, I hate a baritone saxophone - to be incredibly crass, it sounds like farts to me – but for some reason it’s the barry, along with the harpsicord effect on the keyboard, that makes “Weird” for me. And by the way, the entire album is ridiculously good so you should just do yourself a favor and listen to it already.

#7: Of Montreal - "Gronlandic Edit"
This song has long, sinewy fingers that have wrapped themselves tightly around my brain, burrowed into my grey matter and grown roots. In other words, it's absurdly infectious. I want to take it out behind the middle school and, well, you know…

#6: The National - "Slow Show"
"I wanna hurry home to you put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up....You know I dreamed about you for twenty-nine years before I saw you. I missed you for twenty-nine years." Beautiful.

#5: Andrew Bird - "Imitosis"
So lyrically clever. So musically catchy. So scientifically romantic. So very, very me.

#4: The Rosebuds - "Silja Line"
I freely admit that Night of the Furies is no Birds Make Good Neighbors. While one of the previous album’s strengths was its diversity of sound, seamlessly transitioning between folk to blues to synth-pop, this new one tends to focus solely on the latter. But since synth-pop is how I tend to prefer to rock it, that’s alright with me. And this song…this song, this song, this song…*sigh!*

#3: Tori Amos - "Big Wheel"
Hey, Tori. Sorry I’ve ignored you for the past, oh, eight years or so. To be honest, you pissed me off when you decided to make Alanis Morissette your BFF and released the ho-hum To Venus and Back. But to be frank, although your multiple-personality angle with this new album is a bit weird and annoying, I’ll admit that it’s a brilliant way to bleed all those die-hard Tori-philes dry. (In concert she’ll appearing as one of five alter-egos, insuring that hard-core fans will travel to see her multiple times in the hopes of seeing Clyde and Pip and Santa in concert, as dumb as that all sounds.) But, whatever. You and I both know that your eccentricities are a large part of why I love you, and this album, although bloated with 12 unnecessary songs, is still one of your best. I just fear that the absurdity of its concept will ensure that it gets ignored like your previous seven have been. Not that you care.
P.S. Nice wig.

#2: Feist - "One, Two, Three, Four"
I challenge you to name a cuter song that’s been released this year. Godspeed.

#1:Andrew Bird - "Armchairs"
I love the construction of this song. It's a tease, starting slow, pretty and unassuming while taking seemingly forever to build to this perfect, beautiful, satisfying peak. And if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm sort of a get-weak-in-the-knees kind of sucker for four things: ice cream, shoes, puppies and musical swells. Feel free to do what you will with that information...