not martha

So, how did last night's cookie baking extravaganza go, Mrs. White?

So very glad you asked, and here, please take these highlights:

8:00 - Couldn't find the electric mixer.  Attempted to recreate the effects of an electric mixer by swirling an egg beater between both hands.  Failed.

8:15 - Found the mixer!  However, and despite what the recipe called for, I never was able to achieve a consistency anywhere even close to "fluffy".  Settled for "gooey".

8:30 - Realized that, despite having to zest two limes, I didn't have a proper zester.  Improvised with a potato peeler.

9:00 - Still improvising.  Hands are hurty. Will is waning.

9:05 - Decided potato peeler zesting is just not meant to be.  Switched to peeling off large pieces of lime skin and then cutting them up into tiny bits with a pair of scissors.  (Instead of a knife, for some reason.)

9:15 - Realized I didn't have parchment paper to roll the dough in.  Settled for wax paper.  Rolled dough into a log, placed in the fridge, prayed.

9:20 - Realized I now had to zest two lemons.  Nearly cried.  Poured myself a giant glass of wine instead.

9:30 - Spirits lifted and will restored, I proceeded to potato peel the hell out of those lemons.  Suckers never stood a chance!

9:35 - Got lemon juice in my eye.  Potato peeled my thumb. Drank a second glass of wine. 

 

9:45 -  Took cooled dough out of the refrigerator and attempted to cut it into cookies.  Discovered it was nowhere near the proper consistency to cut, and had an unfortunate habit of stubbornly sticking to the wax paper. Decided not to care and cut it up anyway. 

9:50 - Realized the pieces of lime "zest" are rather large.  Wondered how that might taste. Thought it might be best to give it a try before cooking.

9:51 - Grimaced.  Picked out as much of the lime "zest" as I could with the tip of a knife.  Drank more wine.

10:30 - Cookies are finally ready for the oven.  Put them on a disposable cookie tray and in they go! 

10:31 - Mom gives them a check and discovered I had left the plastic on the disposable cookie tray...and out they go!!!

10:40  - Realized I had completely neglected to pay attention to when I put the cookies in the oven.  Panicked.  Took them out.  Poked them with my finger.  Discovered they're not burnt, but are quite hard.  Decided they're done.

10:41 - Mom turns to me and says, "You know what?  Let's make some rum balls.  They need neither perfect measuring nor baking, so I think they'll be your cookie!"

10:45- Was properly supervised as I "helped" make rum balls (rather, I measured nothing, chopped nothing, but was allowed to roll my mom's batter into ball form).

11:00 - Realized I forgot to put an essential ingredient in the second batch of cookies I was making.  Ate another rum ball.  Decided it best not to care.  

11:15 - Took the second batch of cookies out of the oven.  Realized I hadn't spaced them out enough so they've merged into one, giant monster cookie.  Cut them out, peeled them off the tray, and decided to market them as my "super special totally on purpose square cookies."

11:30 -Looked over the mess I'd created and took the time to properly reflect. I am a woman who is a lot of things, however a Martha Stewart sort will never be one of them.  Ate another rum ball, and decided that's perfectly fine with me.