Tuesday, May 30, 2006
hot. so, so hot.
Remember back to last winter when the temps hit below zero, you had to scrape an inch-thick layer of frost off your windshield before driving anywhere and it was so cold the snot in your nostrils would freeze instantly upon entering the frigid air? Yeah I don't either - actually I seem to remember skipping around in a spring coat in January at one point last winter. Nonetheless - really? This is what I was waiting for all winter? Sitting on my sofa at 9 o'clock at night while sweat dripped down my back knowing full well that sleep will be impossible because it's so damn hot? Silly, silly whinny January self. This sucks. Don't pine for it ever again.

It boggles my mind that it's this hot and it's not even June yet. Until the temps go back to a more sane 80 degrees, here's a list of activities I'm swearing off on:

1. Working out. I'd like to (I think), but the thought of willingly raising my own body temperature more than its current level sounds like the definition of insanity.

2. Talking on my cell phone. I've never been one to enjoy talking on the phone, so this is really just an excuse to give up something that's more of an obligation than a joy (of course not when YOU call. When YOU call, I love talking on the phone!). But it's so hot that the act of holding my phone up to my face makes it feel like the tiny hairs are being burned off my cheek, and that ain't right.

3. Sitting on my sofa. I love my overstuffed sofa, but it retains heat like a pregnant woman retains water. Ugh.

4. Holding my laptop on my lap. I think there are actually 3rd degree burns on the tops of my legs from trying to do this seemingly safe activity earlier today. 3rd degree burns!

5. Laundry. Unlike sitting on my sofa this one won't be too hard to give up, but anyone who's entered my laundry closet can attest to the fact that I seem to have a portal to the bowels of hell adjacent to my dining room. Right now I can't even open those inferno doors, forget about turning on a giant, white, heat-producing box.

So I suppose I'll be a sweaty, fat, incommunicado chick who crawls around on the floor in the same pit-stained close that she's worn all summer until the heat breaks. Not too different from Chloe Sevigny, no?

Let's you and I both keep our fingers crossed the heat breaks soon.


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