Wednesday, January 11, 2006
i have discovered a rift in the space-time continuum...
...and it's centered in Waterford, Michigan.

I usually avoid traveling from my place of employment to the administrative base for all public school districts in the OC at all costs. It should be easy, a trip consisting of two turns, two roads, and a 15 minute overall commute. Turn right on road A, left on road B and "ta-da" you're there. Easy. Simple. Idiot-proof.


However, I have discovered something that few people know - the intersection of roads A and B is actually a hidden warp-zone - shooting you willy-nilly to a random location once you make the required left turn.

I've only made this trip once before yesterday with near-disastrous results. I've been avoiding the trip ever since, but I had an unavoidable meeting yesterday after work, requiring me to make attempt #2, hoping that my first failed attempt was a fluke. I went about it with an open mind, a positive attitude and newly printed-off mapquest directions. When I came across the required left turn on road B I have to admit that I was feeling pretty good - like I has felled the beast, overcome my fears and would arrive 30 minutes ahead of time...

It was around the time when pavement turned to dirt road with pot-holes the size of my bathroom that I realized that I had fallen, once again, into the black hole of Waterford. I admit that I was in denial at first. The dirt road turned back into pavement and I was hopeful that things might turn out okay. But pavement turned back into dirt roads, and it wasn't until I saw men getting out of their pick-up trucks with large deer rifles that I was forced to admit that I was, once again, hopefully lost. Ducking down to avoid the stray bullets of hunter rifles, I turned on the next paved road, hoping to save myself from a flat tire and an unwanted Deliverance moment. Amazingly enough - the turn shot me right back to to my starting point. Near tears, almost out of gas and unable to explain how I could travel for 40 minutes north and end up south, I resigned myself to defeat and abandoned all attempts at making my meeting in the hopes of finding my way back home. Amazingly, five minutes after the decision to go home was made, where should I end up but at my destination. My 15 minute trip had taken me 60 minutes, I was 30 minutes late and my car was filthy, but I was there.

Frustratingly enough, I entered my meeting and immediately noticed that at least 15 people who were supposed to attend either blew it off or had also fallen into the Waterford black hole. I was one of four people who made it, but whatever - I was there. I sat there for two hours while two elementary teachers read original stories about their "fuzzy, wuzzy, mushy, squishy eyebrows" and a elephant who travels around in a hot air balloon rescuing mice in need. When it was my turn, I read a character sketch about two women at a bar that "bothered" everyone and made them feel "uncomfortable."

Fantastic. At least my trek wasn't a complete loss.


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