In the interest of writing balanced reviews I have asked Sister Marie (who taught me religion, art and literature from 6th through 8th grade) and RJ (the somewhat pervy kid from my 6th hour who suffers from a surplus of self-esteem) to assist me by throwing in their two cents. So, in no particular order, we'll begin with:
A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints: A gritty, coming-of-age story of a boy growing up in New York City.
Me: It was okay. The story line was interesting enough it was very well acted and it certainly didn't lack for intensity, however it just felt like it was trying too hard.
Sister Marie: Oh my! I have to say, I was thoroughly appalled by this. Such language! Those kids in that movie all needed a few raps on the knuckle with a ruler if you ask me. And you should know that the title is completely misleading. There isn't a single saint in this entire movie. Not one. Hmpf.
RJ: Laaaaaaame. I got all excited because there were boobs in the first 15 minutes, but after that one scene - no more boobs. And those guys all thought they were so tough, but I could take every single one of them, easy. Have you seen my muscles??
Volver: A mother returns from the dead to help her daughters and resolve messes she left behind.
Me: This was such an elegant movie. Beautifully shot, wonderfully written, fantastically acted. So nice I watched it twice.
Sister Marie: That one daughter - Sole- seemed like a good Catholic girl, but I counted and this movie displayed three of the Deadly Sins committed without any remorse. And that Penelope Cruz is such a little Mary Magdalene! Disgusting.
RJ: Man, this movie had subtitles. So lame. Do you really expect me to read a movie? But Penelope Cruz is hot and her boobs are freakin' huge, so I half watched it on mute while listening to Ludacris and punishing my pecs, which are awesome by the way. Wanna see 'em?
Infamous: Yet another Truman Capote biopic.
Me: Even though Toby Jones's Capote was probably more true to life than Philip Seymour Hoffman's and the film itself was solid in all respects, this movie couldn't get out Capote's shadow for me. Worth watching, but not passionately endorsed.
Sister Marie: I really don't understand why people are so interested in that little sodomite. Filth. Absolute filth.
RJ: Oh my God! That guy was soooooooo gay!!! Did you see him kiss that one dude! Gross. I had to start a fight with some random dude just to take back some of my man cred.
Children of Men: A dystopian film set in 2027 describing a global epidemic of infertility, leaving the fate of humanity hanging in the balance.
Me: This movie was fantastic on every single level. How it didn't get a Best Picture nomination escapes me.
Sister Marie: Watch this movie closely. This is exactly the sort of future we have to look forward to if we continue to keep abortion legal, start to condone gay marriage, use Ouija boards to channel spirits and keep MTV on the air. Do you really think God doesn't mind these things? Read your Revelations, children - famine and pestilence aren't too far behind!
RJ: Huh? Sorry. Are we still doing this? So... you're kinda hot. Want to see my muscles?
(In retrospect, I'm not sure that this was such a great idea after all. Let's never speak of this again, shall we?)
Post-Script: About mid-way through writing this it occurred to me that this post is a blatant rip-off of Steve's recent review of the new Kings of Leon album. Oh well. You know what they say about imitation and flattery. And how God smites all plagiarists.
A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints: A gritty, coming-of-age story of a boy growing up in New York City.
Me: It was okay. The story line was interesting enough it was very well acted and it certainly didn't lack for intensity, however it just felt like it was trying too hard.
Sister Marie: Oh my! I have to say, I was thoroughly appalled by this. Such language! Those kids in that movie all needed a few raps on the knuckle with a ruler if you ask me. And you should know that the title is completely misleading. There isn't a single saint in this entire movie. Not one. Hmpf.
RJ: Laaaaaaame. I got all excited because there were boobs in the first 15 minutes, but after that one scene - no more boobs. And those guys all thought they were so tough, but I could take every single one of them, easy. Have you seen my muscles??
Volver: A mother returns from the dead to help her daughters and resolve messes she left behind.
Me: This was such an elegant movie. Beautifully shot, wonderfully written, fantastically acted. So nice I watched it twice.
Sister Marie: That one daughter - Sole- seemed like a good Catholic girl, but I counted and this movie displayed three of the Deadly Sins committed without any remorse. And that Penelope Cruz is such a little Mary Magdalene! Disgusting.
RJ: Man, this movie had subtitles. So lame. Do you really expect me to read a movie? But Penelope Cruz is hot and her boobs are freakin' huge, so I half watched it on mute while listening to Ludacris and punishing my pecs, which are awesome by the way. Wanna see 'em?
Infamous: Yet another Truman Capote biopic.
Me: Even though Toby Jones's Capote was probably more true to life than Philip Seymour Hoffman's and the film itself was solid in all respects, this movie couldn't get out Capote's shadow for me. Worth watching, but not passionately endorsed.
Sister Marie: I really don't understand why people are so interested in that little sodomite. Filth. Absolute filth.
RJ: Oh my God! That guy was soooooooo gay!!! Did you see him kiss that one dude! Gross. I had to start a fight with some random dude just to take back some of my man cred.
Children of Men: A dystopian film set in 2027 describing a global epidemic of infertility, leaving the fate of humanity hanging in the balance.
Me: This movie was fantastic on every single level. How it didn't get a Best Picture nomination escapes me.
Sister Marie: Watch this movie closely. This is exactly the sort of future we have to look forward to if we continue to keep abortion legal, start to condone gay marriage, use Ouija boards to channel spirits and keep MTV on the air. Do you really think God doesn't mind these things? Read your Revelations, children - famine and pestilence aren't too far behind!
RJ: Huh? Sorry. Are we still doing this? So... you're kinda hot. Want to see my muscles?
(In retrospect, I'm not sure that this was such a great idea after all. Let's never speak of this again, shall we?)
Post-Script: About mid-way through writing this it occurred to me that this post is a blatant rip-off of Steve's recent review of the new Kings of Leon album. Oh well. You know what they say about imitation and flattery. And how God smites all plagiarists.
Labels: movies, nuns, plagiarism
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