This spring break:
Q: Will I live like a young rajah in all the capitals of Europe – Paris, Venice, Rome – collect jewels, chiefly rubies, hunt big game, paint a little, things for myself only, and try to forget something very sad that happened to me long ago before the war?
A: It is decidedly so.
Q: Will I spend an inordinate amount of time on Internet chat rooms where I will meet a man who romances me with his gushing complements and poetic wit, using his charm to talk me into mailing large, mysterious packages for him to Nigeria, and then only when the feds come a knockin’ will I be crushed to discover that I had become an unwitting participant in his identity theft ring?
A: Ask again later.
Q: Will I finally sit down to write the Great American Novel, which will not only be terribly funny and poignant, but will also clear up the questions swirling around the global warming debate, end the war in Iraq and create stability in the Middle East, lower gas prices, cure acne, and be pivotal in convincing gang members to replace their guns with poetry?
A: Outlook not so good.
Q: Will I hop a cruise ship bound for South America where I will spend far too much time in discos taking full advantage of the complimentary bar, meet a devastatingly handsome Dominican man with a taste for auburn-haired white girls who later has a terribly easy time seducing me in my inebriated state, kidnaps me and then sells me into white slavery?
A: Yes. Definitely.
Q: Finally, will I spend the week at home doing some much needed spring cleaning, reading, watching movies, writing more self-indulgent posts for the blog, redecorating a room that was never in need of redecorating in the first place, buying shoes, and getting reacquainted with my kitchen?
A: Without a doubt.
Alrighty! Good to know. Looks like I’ll be pretty busy then...
Q: Will I live like a young rajah in all the capitals of Europe – Paris, Venice, Rome – collect jewels, chiefly rubies, hunt big game, paint a little, things for myself only, and try to forget something very sad that happened to me long ago before the war?
A: It is decidedly so.
Q: Will I spend an inordinate amount of time on Internet chat rooms where I will meet a man who romances me with his gushing complements and poetic wit, using his charm to talk me into mailing large, mysterious packages for him to Nigeria, and then only when the feds come a knockin’ will I be crushed to discover that I had become an unwitting participant in his identity theft ring?
A: Ask again later.
Q: Will I finally sit down to write the Great American Novel, which will not only be terribly funny and poignant, but will also clear up the questions swirling around the global warming debate, end the war in Iraq and create stability in the Middle East, lower gas prices, cure acne, and be pivotal in convincing gang members to replace their guns with poetry?
A: Outlook not so good.
Q: Will I hop a cruise ship bound for South America where I will spend far too much time in discos taking full advantage of the complimentary bar, meet a devastatingly handsome Dominican man with a taste for auburn-haired white girls who later has a terribly easy time seducing me in my inebriated state, kidnaps me and then sells me into white slavery?
A: Yes. Definitely.
Q: Finally, will I spend the week at home doing some much needed spring cleaning, reading, watching movies, writing more self-indulgent posts for the blog, redecorating a room that was never in need of redecorating in the first place, buying shoes, and getting reacquainted with my kitchen?
A: Without a doubt.
Alrighty! Good to know. Looks like I’ll be pretty busy then...
Labels: gang members, slavery, spring break, trafficking stolen goods
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