my christmas letter

Oh my. It appears that I mailed out all my Christmas cards and forgot to put my annual Christmas letter inside! Drat! (And if you didn't get a Christmas cards from me, um, it's in the mail! Really!!) So, here it is. If you'd like, print if off and put it on the refridgerator next to your grocery list and yellowed Dilbert comic stips. Let it warm your heart, fill you with holiday cheer, and do other good stuff for you too.

Dear Friends and Family,

Whew! It’s been such an AMAZING year, and I just can’t wait to share with you the magical journey that 2006 has been for me and my family!!

Chloe, our furry little daughter, continues to fill us with awe and wonder. Her skill at building forts out of pillows and digging holes in the backyard have really peaked this year, and if dogs could be architects, I’d be working on the college loan paperwork as we speak! She’s also made tremendous strides in the impulse control issues that I mentioned in last year’s holiday letter. To date, she has only eaten one cell phone, bitten one neighbor (oops!) and only pees in the house when new visitors come over. Mommy and daddy couldn’t be more proud!

As for human children, Nathan and I are still waiting for the right time. Until that time comes, I’ve been honing my mothering skills by watching weekly episodes of Wife Swap and Super Nanny. I swear, those two shows should totally be required viewing for all perspective parents! I’ve learned so much about nutrition (fast food no more than five times a week), discipline (hitting them is only okay when they REALLY deserve it), mental development (no more than 7 hours of television a day) and safety (try not to let the convicted pedophile two streets over baby-sit) that I totally know we’ll be ready when the time comes!

Nathan has had a pretty eventful year. Last May he changed jobs, and he’s currently working as an executive caffeine technician for a very, very important, top secret company. He can’t really share many of the details since they’re classified, but let’s just say that every day he delivers a coffee buzz to some reeeeeeally important people (they're FBI! Shhhh!!) In his spare time he’s also been working on a cure for juvenile diabetes, developing a new religion and decoding the secret language of dolphins. No wonder he’s always so tired!

As for me, I’m still teaching 9^th and 10^th graders, trying to squeeze every ounce of juice that I can from their mind grapes! I don’t know how it’s possible, but each year they get cuter, smarter, and better behaved! I’ve only been called a bitch once this year! Like Nathan, I have also gotten involved in some new hobbies during 2006. To date, I’ve managed to master five languages, write three novels on subjects ranging from cooking, horse-back riding and ironing the perfect crease in your husband's dress pants, and reaching self-actualization through a combination of Cabbala, yoga and self tanning lotion. Om!

So, from our house to yours, may you be as blessed, prosperous and fabulous as we are! Merry Christmas!!!!