my ten year reunion and why i never really left high school

In my experience, there are two types of people who teach high school - those who loved it so much that they never wanted to leave, and those who love a certain subject matter so much that they want to spend their life convincing other people to love it too. Since I didn't really love high school that much, I guess I'm the latter.

Perhaps that's part of the reason why I never even seriously considered going to my ten-year high school reunion, which happened to be held last weekend. It's not that I didn't have friends in high school (I did) or that high school was such a painful, angst-ridden experience (it wasn't) or that I'm still in close contact with plenty of people from my alma matter so I feel no need to go (I'm not). High school wasn't a bad experience by any means, but it wasn't exactly the best years of my life either, and to be honest, I think I'm having a lot more fun pushing thirty than I ever did during my four years of high school. So, despite the fact that I've been told that "it's really something that you should do or you'll regret it later," I decided to skip my ten-year reunion this year. Oh well.

But the beautiful thing about the Internet is that, despite the fact that I didn't go to the reunion, I was still able to read up on many of my former classmates through a reunion website. There are certainly some of my classmates who I'm envious of - one is a touring cast member of Wicked, another is a member of the VonBondies, a third is a Film Accountant who just finished working on Pirates of the Caribbean 2, and yet another is a nuclear weapons/terror analyst - so my paltry entry announcing that “I'm a married English teacher” made me feel a bit small in comparison, but when I remembered what some of these people were like in high school I was reminded that there's a whole lot more to them than their little website blurbs, the purpose of which is to present only the best of their current realities. Despite the impressiveness of some of the admissions, I still remember the dirty truth.

Take, for instance, Dena who wrote that she is a “Vice President of Consumer Marketing and living in New York City.” I guess that’s pretty impressive for a 28-year-old, but my most vivid memory of her is when she saved up her poop for a week in order to bring it to band camp and spread it all over the boy's bathroom as a senior prank. I wonder what her fellow big-wigs would think if they knew that little tidbit about their VP.

And then there’s John, who wrote that he is an “outreach coordinator for various Republican political campaigns.” Again, impressive I guess, but my most vivid memory is that this kid had the absolute worst body odor I have ever smelled in my life. Seriously, that stuff can be bottled and sold as rat poison. Maybe that’s why so many Republicans just found themselves without a job two weeks ago…

One of my ex-boyfriends, Seth, claims to be “married, living in Australia, and working as a managing director.” That sounds nice and good, but I’m still convinced that he’s gay, and not just because he dumped me. Dude shaved his armpits and bought pants from the Express before they had a men’s line for Christ’s sake. Nice try, but your blurb’s a lie, Seth, and I am not believing that you actually own that big boat that you’re riding in the picture you uploaded of yourself. (Well, maybe you do, but you still wear girl’s pants. So there.)

I could go on, but I won’t. I guess what I’m trying to say is that being an English teacher, although not so impressive sounding, is better than it sounds. I get my summers off, my lesson plans last week included watching and discussing Dead Poet’s Society and I don’t have wickedly foul body odor.

I hope. You'd tell me, right?