friendship, obligation and childish resistance

I've spent the last several days in somewhat of a moral dilemma. I made the mistake of checking my work e-mail on Monday, and intermixed with the messages from various school secretaries telling me that some teacher who I don't know's great-aunt died and from various students who would give Frued a field day, I found the e-mail that put me in my current crisis. Perhaps crisis is a bit too strong a word, but I've been rolling this around in my mind for five days now so I think the amount of time my mind has been consumed with this issue warrants me allowing myself some melodrama. (How metacognitive of me, huh?)

Okay, yes, I'm getting to the point already. The e-mail was from the student teacher who I had last semester, a woman who is nice enough and, although I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, a woman who I really can't stand. Perhaps my dislike for her can be attributed to the fact that we spent so much time sharing such a small space, but I think it's more than that. I think we were just two very different people at two different points in our lives (she's a former lawyer who is twice my age). Again, she's a nice enough woman, but I don't ever need to see her again and I certainly don't want to spark up some sort of friendship with her. In fact, when her tenure was up I breathed a giant sigh of relief and felt quite thankful that her chapter in my life had closed.

And then I checked my e-mail.

It's no big deal I guess. She just wants to meet me for coffee so we can "chat." Call me petty, but this is something that I absolutely do not want to do. It's not that we had some big, dramatic scene or anything, but there were certainly some tense moments between the two of us and I like to run and hide from situations that cause me tension; I do not want to sit down and chat with them over coffee.

I didn't know what so do about the invitation so I did what any coward would do - I ignored it. Yesterday I asked my husband if he thought I was obligated to meet her and he basically told me that to a) politely turn her down, or b) ignore the e-mail entirely would be what a "bad person" would do. I suspect he's right (on moral issues he usually is), but the more I think about it the more it frustrates me. Why is it that we have to be friends with people who we don't like, simply because he or she wants our friendship? That's not how we handle interested lovers, so why do we have to handle interested friends this way? For instance, say I was a single woman and the e-mail had been from a man who wanted to go on a date. I am not interested in dating this man, so no one would call me a "bad person" for politely turning him down. Why can't I politely turn down friendship with someone who I know I am incompatible with without being branded a bad person?

Perhaps I am making too much of this, and perhaps I should just be an adult already and give in to society's expectations by doing what a "nice woman" would do and suffer through. But I can't help but feel a bit like rebelling on principle. I'm very interested in what others think on this issue, so feedback is appreciated. Either way, I think it's about time I return the poor woman's e-mail already.