concerning jon bon jovi, wanted dead or alive for a spree of face rocking

Boy, this is funny, in part because I spent most of my twelve-year-old life singing Slippery When Wet with my eyes closed into a curling iron. How much do I love McSweeney's? Ever so much.

And if you should come in contact with Bon Jovi, do not look into his face. He will only rock it.