Today is April Fools Day, and if I were really, really evil (I'm talking Rosemary's Baby meets The Bad Seed meets Basket Case evil) these are the pranks I'd play on you:
Mom: I'd call you up and tell you that all of your favorite cancelled television shows will be coming back. Not only will HBO be bringing back Carnivale, Fox will be bringing back Arrested Development and NBC will even be bringing back Third Rock from the Sun. Heck, I might even add that they're thinking of bringing Alf back while I'm at it.
Nathan: I'd have Chloe bury everything you love in the backyard. That's right, both television remote controls, your microwave burritos, all your Mountain Dew, your Uncle John's Bathroom Readers - they're all going in randomly placed holes out back. Have fun.
Matt: I'd have the aunts call you up to tell you that they've decided on a lark to take a last minute trip to New York and they want to stay with you. In fact, they're in Brooklyn right now and will be at your place in 10.
Chloe: I'd take all of your toys and put them on ledges and shelves where they are in plain view, but just out of reach. Then I'd hide all the pillows to make my house a "no humping zone."
Paul: I'd grab a sheet, cut holes for eyes and drive down to BG to haunt the hell out of you.
But I won't do any of these things because I'm not evil....or am I?? (insert evil cackle)
Mom: I'd call you up and tell you that all of your favorite cancelled television shows will be coming back. Not only will HBO be bringing back Carnivale, Fox will be bringing back Arrested Development and NBC will even be bringing back Third Rock from the Sun. Heck, I might even add that they're thinking of bringing Alf back while I'm at it.
Nathan: I'd have Chloe bury everything you love in the backyard. That's right, both television remote controls, your microwave burritos, all your Mountain Dew, your Uncle John's Bathroom Readers - they're all going in randomly placed holes out back. Have fun.
Matt: I'd have the aunts call you up to tell you that they've decided on a lark to take a last minute trip to New York and they want to stay with you. In fact, they're in Brooklyn right now and will be at your place in 10.
Chloe: I'd take all of your toys and put them on ledges and shelves where they are in plain view, but just out of reach. Then I'd hide all the pillows to make my house a "no humping zone."
Paul: I'd grab a sheet, cut holes for eyes and drive down to BG to haunt the hell out of you.
But I won't do any of these things because I'm not evil....or am I?? (insert evil cackle)
3 Comments:
Don't threaten us with your talk of Alf and hidden bathroom readers.
You have mean cruel thoughts sometimes, my lovely.
At least you wouldn't go so far as to taunt me with Seinfield coming back, that would really be just too too cruel.
and i would pretend to give in to your husbands advances . . . leaving you loveless and lonely for the rest of your monkey life.
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