Wednesday, January 23, 2008
because it's hump day and i'm feeling scrappier than usual
Believe it or not, I actually have a substantive movie-related post in the works, but until I find the right combination of both stamina and desire to polish that little sucker off I'm allowing myself to be sucked in by Pajiba's comment diversion for the day.

And so, here's a rough draft of the list of celebrities I'd most like to fight:

Joan Crawford
I know she's dead so time travel would have to be involved, but it would be worth it. Who wouldn't want to fight Mommie Dearest? (Although I'll be honest and admit I'd be absolutely terrified going in. Bitch will cut you.)

Kevin Costner
Because he just seems overly smug to me, and when you consider the combined total running times of Waterworld, The Bodyguard and Dances With Wolves that's ten solid hours of my life that I'll never get back. Mr. Costner, I'd like to take those hours out your nose.

Rachael Ray
Punching her would be deelish!

Carrot Top
I doubt I'm alone here. Back in the mid-nineties I actually allowed myself to get dragged to one of his shows, and even then the dude was more offensive and pathetic than funny. He's bulked up significantly since, but he's also had so much plastic surgery he looks like a space alien from Planet Faaaabulous!, so my money's on me kicking his weird little butt.

Chuck Norris
For no particular reason other than so I could say I fought Chuck Norris.

Those are just the top five, but others who would certainly make the short list include: Lindsay Lohan, Victoria Beckham, Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise, Ann Coulter, Chriss Angel, Barbara Streisand, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, a young Paul Newman (although it would be more of a sweaty tussle than a fight, exactly), Mitch Albom and Queen Elizabeth II.


Blogger Steve said...


I'd fight William Shatner.

Blogger Mrs. White said...



Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.

Blogger Mary said...


How about Nancy Grace? She could use a good pop in the mouth.

and the pope.

Blogger Carrie said...

Your picture of Kevin Costner decided it - I'd totally fight Oprah.

I could kick Oprah's ass, right?

Blogger Gregg said...

You just had to go and put Albom on there, didn't you, Mrs. White? Hmph. Fine, know him better than I do. I'll give you that one, but I'm still bitter about it.

Love the rest of your list, and this whole idea in general. I might steal it someday if I come up with a good list of my own.

A big "YESSSS!" to seeing Ann Coulter on your list, and an equally big "Hoo-Rahhh!" to Mary for mentioning Nancy Grace.

Kevin Costner question, though: I agree he deserves all the bad press he gets for the three movies you mentioned, but...did you hate him in "Message In A Bottle," too? I...liked it. (yes, I did too just write that out loud.)

Blogger Mrs. White said...

Gregg, admittedly, my dislike of Kevin Costner is a bit unwarranted and without logic, but I can't help it. I just don't like him. Sorta wanna fight him. :)

Blogger JMW said...

My girlfriend and I had dinner the other night at a place where Rachael Ray was at the next table over. If I'd have known, I would've socked her for you.

Also, this line: "I'd like to take those hours out your nose." is hysterical.

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