As a teacher in a predominately white, Christian and socially-economically comfortable school district, I am used to kids making comments that many people would find offensive and possibly even blatantly racist. It bothered me quite a bit when I first began, but I've since learned that kids are, by nature, self-centered and ignorant of the world. It would be quite unrealistic of me to expect a fifteen-year-old to have much knowledge or even interest in cultures and issues that do not directly affect him or her. And that's where I come in. It's my job to enlighten, play Devil's advocate, discourage hurtful speech and develop a certain amount of empathy in my students. Not that this is easy or that I'm always successful, but I try. I see it as my responsibility to point out the narrow-mindedness of my kids and to come down hard on them when they start tossing around ethnic and homophobic slurs.
What gets trickier is when when the narrow-mindedness and slurs are made by my peers.
See, I never really given it much thought before, but one reason why I can comfortably criticize my students' beliefs is because I'm in a position of authority. Even the most incorrigible kid recognizes that his teachers are supposed to critique him. In fact, we're obligated to do as much. But, what is my social obligation when my peers toss hate around in casual conversation? Ideally, the issue shouldn't be a complex or difficult one, but in the "real world" it is.
Case in point, my husband was talking to a guy he works with last week, and without batting an eye they guy worked the "n-word" into the conversation. The man had apparently assumed that because Nathan was white he wouldn't be offended. Of course, Nate was offended, but - as I imagine most of us would do - he laughed uncomfortably and dismissed the comment, choosing not to be "that guy who gets up on his high-horse by pointing out the flaws in others." Upon reflection, it bothered him that he didn't say anything, but what can a person really say without being either dismissed as a pretentious asshole or getting punched out?
While we discussed his encounter over beers and greasy bar food last weekend, I was reminded of the various unsavory comments that several of my older neighbors have made to me here and there over time. Perhaps it was my social obligation to let them know that their slurs are inappropriate, or at the very least offensive to me personally, but I instead just laughed uncomfortably and dismissed them. It doesn't feel good to admit this, especially as an educator, but without that position of authority that I hold over kids I don't really feel comfortable calling the average person out. Besides, I'm kind of terrified of getting hit.
Neither one of us were able to come up with any sort of an "action plan" for what to do the next time someone finds a way to offend us by assuming we're okay with hateful speech. I'd rather not laugh it off since that's really just affirming it, but what would be the socially-acceptable way to let the person know that what he's just said is not okay?
I know what Jesus would do. I'm asking what would you do?
What gets trickier is when when the narrow-mindedness and slurs are made by my peers.
See, I never really given it much thought before, but one reason why I can comfortably criticize my students' beliefs is because I'm in a position of authority. Even the most incorrigible kid recognizes that his teachers are supposed to critique him. In fact, we're obligated to do as much. But, what is my social obligation when my peers toss hate around in casual conversation? Ideally, the issue shouldn't be a complex or difficult one, but in the "real world" it is.
Case in point, my husband was talking to a guy he works with last week, and without batting an eye they guy worked the "n-word" into the conversation. The man had apparently assumed that because Nathan was white he wouldn't be offended. Of course, Nate was offended, but - as I imagine most of us would do - he laughed uncomfortably and dismissed the comment, choosing not to be "that guy who gets up on his high-horse by pointing out the flaws in others." Upon reflection, it bothered him that he didn't say anything, but what can a person really say without being either dismissed as a pretentious asshole or getting punched out?
While we discussed his encounter over beers and greasy bar food last weekend, I was reminded of the various unsavory comments that several of my older neighbors have made to me here and there over time. Perhaps it was my social obligation to let them know that their slurs are inappropriate, or at the very least offensive to me personally, but I instead just laughed uncomfortably and dismissed them. It doesn't feel good to admit this, especially as an educator, but without that position of authority that I hold over kids I don't really feel comfortable calling the average person out. Besides, I'm kind of terrified of getting hit.
Neither one of us were able to come up with any sort of an "action plan" for what to do the next time someone finds a way to offend us by assuming we're okay with hateful speech. I'd rather not laugh it off since that's really just affirming it, but what would be the socially-acceptable way to let the person know that what he's just said is not okay?
I know what Jesus would do. I'm asking what would you do?
2 Comments:
Hrm. I know what you mean. I start to feel that "teacher lecture" voice creep up, but I too often push it back down so as not to rock the boat. I'd say the best way I've come up with is to narrow my eyes and simply respond, "Really?" and politely exit the conversation.
Of course, I don't often have the balls to use it.
Today's "Dear Abby" column contained this advice: "I agree with your theory that men who tell gay "jokes" are probably insecure on some level about their own masculinity. And the most deeply closeted or insecure can be the most vocal in an effort to hide their own leanings and fit in.
"One way to discourage such comments when you hear them would be to reply, 'I don't find that particularly funny. Why do you think it's funny?' Then let them try to explain. Or, you might say, 'You might think that's funny -- but has it occurred to you that someone here might have a gay relative and be hurt by that kind of humor?' I'll bet the thought that they could be surrounded by people who think they are tasteless, insecure or not too bright has never occurred to them."
That advice may work for some situations, but it's still uncomfortable.
As for myself, I guess I try not to laugh at the joke, and then quickly change the subject. If the person is at all sensitive (no guarantee of that, given what's happening here), he/she will catch on that such jokes are inappropriate or at least not funny. When the situation allows it, I've been known to say "I don't think I want to hear this" and I walk away before the story or joke is finished. That gets the point across without being confrontational.
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