first a rant, then a haiku

Last weekend I made an alarming discovery, came to a revelation that shook me to the core. While sitting around after work sharing a drink with some friends I came to the undeniable conclusion that I am getting old. I may have a baby face, but underneath that youthful exterior lies a crotchety old lady whose face gets all scrunchy and voice gets all squeaky when the subject of "the way young people dress these days"” comes up.

It's not that I'’m uptight exactly. Truth be told, I see all sorts of illicit fashions worn by the teens I work with on a daily basis and I rarely bat an eye. It actually take quite a bit - say, a lime green thong strap peaking one inch above a pair of jeans - to make me notice what the kids are wearing. While some of my colleagues are pulling kids aside and asking them to change out of shirts that expose their midriffs and skirts that fall ten inches or so above the knee, I usually find myself blissfully unaware of the tasteless atrocities that I am supposedly bombarded with on a daily basis.

But, there is one fashion trend that I just can't ignore - a trend that makes my blood boil and my skin crawl - the rebirth of the 80s.

While sitting at a local all-ages sports bar I sat is disgust while I watched one teenage girl after another strut past my table wearing Madonna'’s lace gloves, Susana Hoff's giant, plastic hoop earrings and my old sweater dress with a giant leather belt. It'’s as if the local high school raided my 8^th grade closet but forgot the God-awful perm. I even saw a side ponytail. Now, I know that fashion is cyclical and all, but the 80’s were one of the ugliest times for fashion in, well, perhaps ever, and I am baffled why anyone would look at the photos and say, "Wow! Pegged jeans are so hot! Where do I get me some of those?"”

And don'’t even get me started on skinny jeans.

Perhaps it's because it's my ugly, old fashion statement that's being bastardized by The Gap. Perhaps it's because I'm getting old and I'm building up a natural immunity to all things young, hip and trendy. Perhaps it's because I now regret having thrown out all my old leggings and sweater dresses now that they've become cool again. But no, I suspect it's because I have a little thing that was is sore demand in 1988 - taste.

To tie up my angst in a poetic little bow, I wrote a haiku about it. I know it'’s been a while so savor it, huh?

Um, seriously?
Banana clips and leggings?
"“Lucky Star"” you ain'’t.