welcome back

It's been a lovely two and a half months, but now I'm back to the daily drudgery for bread. I guess I don't really mind so much seeing as I've run out of money to spend on home improvements and I think sitting around for most of the day has made my apple bottom bigger than it's ever been, but no matter how good/fun/fulfilling your job is work is work, and not working is always better.

In an attempt to get my mind right for the up-coming school year I created a list of commandments that I thought I might attempt to follow. They go a little something like this:

1. Stay positive. Even though everyone else is bitching and you looooove bitching it's boring and rude and generally unattractive to bitch, bitch, bitch all the live-long day.

2. Speaking of which, watch your mouth. Even though your students all have potty mouths YOU probably shouldn't. (Well, unless it's around that certain co-worker who gets her panties all in a bunch whenever anyone swears. In that case, fucking hell -swear it up, damn it.)

And finally,

3. Maintain your patience. Your kids are only 14-16 years old and, consequently, they're rather stupid about the world. So, when they say ignorant things like "AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuality" and "the government shouldn't bother to help rebuild New Orleans because 'those people' will just trash it up again" you must remember to HOLD YOUR BREATH AND COUNT TO TEN before you politely explain to them why their personal beliefs/religion/parents are wrong.

And it's with these three simple commandments that I entered into my first district-wide teacher in-service day today. Usually, the first day is a bit of a 'ra-ra' day. Typically, a keynote speaker is hired who, through the use of music or humor or heart-warming stories or a combination of all three, infuses everyone with the sense that THIS YEAR will be AWESOME.

I should have known right away that this year would be different when instead of a keynote speaker, we were treated by a series of presentations given by various administrators. Each presentation was more defeating than the one preceding it, and in sum I heard:

We can't allow kids to fail. Studies show that 75% of kids who fail at school grow up to be criminals, so the kids you fail will have no choice but to grow up to be the people who rob from/rape/kill you and none of us want any more of THAT KIND, so it is essential that every student who passes through your room regardless of home life or history or health or genetics emerge inspired and good at Algebra.

Collaboration is essential to a successful school. Remember, we're all in this together - except for the majority of your day when you're all alone.

Thanks to No Child Left Behind's ridiculous standards, you are now an employee of a failing school. Oh, and English Department - your standardized test scores are down 22% from the previous year, so while we all suck, your department sucks the most.

So, before I've even seen one single student my simple commandments have all been blown to hell. I feel like crying. Or drinking. Maybe both.

Welcome back!