1. Someone jiggling my front door handle.
Thanks to my childhood obsession with horror movies, I have a hard enough time sleeping in empty houses without convincing myself that someone is lurking in the shadows waiting to inflict any number of horrors upon me. The sights and sounds that I imagine sensing are bad enough, but when the sounds of a real, live person skulking around my front porch wafts through the little window between said porch and my bedroom I go on high alert. Usually it is just someone going door-to-door throughout the neighborhood tying advertisements to door handles. What's frightening is that on Monday when I awoke to such unpleasantness I later checked my front porch. No advertisement on the door handle. No phone book or unexpected package on the porch. Just the lingering presence of some dirty-bird who was jiggling my front door handle for no good reason. Creep.
2. My dog sitting on my chest, starring at me a la Cat's Eye.
My 28-year-old self knows that she just has to go outside and pee and that lying on my chest is a good way to get my attention. My 7-year-old self fears that she's really an evil troll who is attempting to steal my breath while I sleep.
3. Billy-Ray Cyrus singing "Achy Breaky Heart" via my alarm clock radio.
I'd have to imagine this has a tendency to put even the most good-natured person in a pissy mood for most of the morning.
In the past two weeks, all three of these things have happened to me at least once, although (thankfully) on separate days. Someday the perfect storm of all three of these things occurring at once will happen. I live in perpetual dread of that day.
Thanks to my childhood obsession with horror movies, I have a hard enough time sleeping in empty houses without convincing myself that someone is lurking in the shadows waiting to inflict any number of horrors upon me. The sights and sounds that I imagine sensing are bad enough, but when the sounds of a real, live person skulking around my front porch wafts through the little window between said porch and my bedroom I go on high alert. Usually it is just someone going door-to-door throughout the neighborhood tying advertisements to door handles. What's frightening is that on Monday when I awoke to such unpleasantness I later checked my front porch. No advertisement on the door handle. No phone book or unexpected package on the porch. Just the lingering presence of some dirty-bird who was jiggling my front door handle for no good reason. Creep.
2. My dog sitting on my chest, starring at me a la Cat's Eye.
My 28-year-old self knows that she just has to go outside and pee and that lying on my chest is a good way to get my attention. My 7-year-old self fears that she's really an evil troll who is attempting to steal my breath while I sleep.
3. Billy-Ray Cyrus singing "Achy Breaky Heart" via my alarm clock radio.
I'd have to imagine this has a tendency to put even the most good-natured person in a pissy mood for most of the morning.
In the past two weeks, all three of these things have happened to me at least once, although (thankfully) on separate days. Someday the perfect storm of all three of these things occurring at once will happen. I live in perpetual dread of that day.
1 Comments:
Well,
I am sure you would not be happy to be awaken by the sounds of the construction site as well.
Me and my family stayed once at George Villa, Limassol - one of Cyprus holiday villas and it was really awfull to wake up every morning with the sounds of the construction and shouts of the foreman. I will definitely never ever rent this villa and having nearly the same list of unpleasant things to be awaken by this summer I added there another point.
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