things i'm fairly certain cease to be cute immediately upon turning thirty (because it's gonna happen in 28 days whether i like it or not):

Pigtails

95% of MTV's programming

Instant message speak, unless used ironically

Absolutely anything Hello Kitty, even if meant ironically

Hello Kitty tombstone? Not cute.

Jumping up and down and clapping one's hands with glee

Stripping to earn money for college/child care/retirement*

Not having a retirement plan

Techno music

Raves

Public Drunkenness

Hysterics

Sweatpants with suggestive words printed across the bum

Calling one's own butt juicy? So incredibly not cute.

Aimlessness

Flashing your rack at a NASCAR rally*

Bisexual experimentation*

Body glitter

Midriff tops

Tramp stamps*

Biblical quotes on your crack = whack.

Training to be a Justin Timberlake back-up dancer (esp. when the living room blinds are drawn and your entire neighborhood is getting the free show from your big picture window)

Angst

Tantrums

Freckles**

*Not that I have first-hand knowledge of this, mind you. I'm just saying what the good Lord loves to hear.

**Shit.