Wednesday, May 07, 2008
to the girls of the firm: body sculpting system 2, a few things i've been meaning to say:

First, let me say thank you for a very solid product. I was turned on to you by my 9th grade gym teacher way back when, and since then I've been an ardent - even if a sporadic - fan. I'm sure if I used your product regularly I'd have a much nicer bum, but I admit that the fault there is all my own. But while we're being critical, here's a few things for you in the spirit of constructive criticism:

1. Emily (aka: Green Tape), when we're only working on one arm, it's one tricep muscle. Singular. Please, get it right. You sound like a stupid person.

2. While we're at it Emily, you're drunk, right? Kudos! It's really pretty amazing how you can accomplish all that choreography while thoroughly tanked. Color me impressed.

3. Jen (aka: Blue Tape), your boob job is totally distracting. Totally. Wowzers.

4. Tracie, look like a toothpick with a head. Perhaps if you insisted on not always being the person in the back doing the watered-down version of the workout you could, you know, improve on that.

5. All of you, I think you and I both know that I'm not doing a single damned push-up you tell me to do, so let's just both stop pretending. I'll watch you do them 'till the cows come home, but be aware that I'll be sitting on the sofa 'till you're done. Please, really, take your time.

6. Also, let's both stop pretending that I'm doing the cool down. Save your stretching for someone who believes in that crap.

7. Finally, no. That did not feel good. What the eff is wrong with you?


Blogger Nathan said...

I always smile when I come home from work to find you wiped out lying on the couch. I ask, "What's wrong?" , and you just answer back "the Red Tape."

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