to the lady who...

• darted right in front of me, cutting me off from the copy machine juuuust before I was about to use it
• loaded up a wholly illogical job (75 pieces of graph paper, which she made one double- sided copy of the entire stack rather than making 75 copies of one single sheet. the hell?)
• and after loading up aforementioned wholly illogical job, then turned, pretended to notice me just then, and asked, "Oh! Do you have many?"
• and when I, looking down at my measly two page job, smiled meekly and said, "No...", instead of pausing her absolutely ridiculous job like any decent human being would and allowing me to cut in, she instead said, "Sorry! Mine's pretty big. It's probably going to take a while."
• which it did
  
• and since her job was so obnoxiously, unnecessarily, repulsively large, when she finally released the copy machine over to me it had reached an internal temperature roughly that of the surface of planet Mercury
• and so when I started my teeny, measly, itsy-bitsy little job it jammed
• twice
• and so I had to reach my hand inside the machine's innards, resulting in a cut finger, inky hands, a slightly burnt palm and a whoooole bunch of disgruntled, exaggerated sighs
• this lady (a term i use with infinite sarcasm), rather than going back to her den of evilness classroom, decided she'd rather stand next to me the entire time, watching me in utter curiosity as I struggled and jammed and cut and inked and burnt and sighed
• and after i was done, had the nerve to look at me, smile, and say, "Yeah. I guess these machines are a bit overused, huh?"

To that lady - that horrid, ghastly, detestable, godless, and positively beastly woman:

I just want you to know that you’re officially on my list. In fact, I’m placing you right after Thomas Kinkade.

So...you know... take that.