three mostly dull secrets

I have interesting things to say, damn it. I just can't remember any of them at the moment.

So, um...wanna hear me share some completely uninteresting secrets instead? Well, one or two may be slightly interesting.

But, no. Probably not.

*dramatic drumroll!*

#1: I nearly always cheat in competitive situations.
You might think that I'm bad at poker, darts, horseshoes, chess, othello, shuffleboard, pool, bowling, and golf, but not so. Secretly, I'm brilliant. But because I love you and I want you to be happy, I simply fake incompetence to make you look good.

*even more dramatic drumroll!*

#2: I hate The Wonder Years.
Always have, probably always will. And for absolutely no good reason, too.

*most dramatic drumroll yet! so dramatic you'd think that it might actually lead to something truly scandalous, however I promise you it won't!!!*

#3: I killed one of my pets today.
Although I guess it really depends on how you define "pet." Is a spider who you discovered living in your kitchen cabinet but decided to let be for the past three months because it wasn't hurting anything really, and then two months in you started to feel as if it were high time you'd name it, so you chose "Spartacus" because it sounded like a badass name for a spider a "pet"?

[breath]

Because if it is, then I'm a pet killer. Yep. I just got tired of looking at Spartacus. So I smooshed him. To death. Premeditatedly.

You're shocked! You're awed! No, you're really just largely disinterested!

(I know, and I'm sorry. I'll try to do better tomorrow. Hopefully something interesting will happen while I'm steam cleaning my carpets or something.)