Apparently, the sun acknowledged my ire and turned down the heat a bit today. Who said angry threats never solved anything?
I wasn't exaggerating when I said that the only real time I've spent outside of my oven of a house recently has been to go to the gym. As usual, this summer started with the best of intentions but it's August and I have nothing except a consistent work-out routine to show for it. And as far as that goes, I'm fairly certain that I've gained weight since working out rather than losing it. Grrr.
So, my mind wandered a bit while I was sweating it out of the treadmill today, and I'm thinking about writing a story for the blog using people I've encountered at the gym for inspiration. It would be rather ambitious, but I'm considering writing the story in weekly or bi-weekly installments. Here are some characters I've created who may or may not find their way in the story that I may or may not write:
Oldie McSkeezy: Oldie McSkeezy is a man in his late 50's/early 60's with a big old beer gut who spends most of his time wandering around and checking out the bums of teenage girls. In my head, Mr. McSkeezy spends most of his non-gym time at the local bar talking about his many (and largely fictitious) female conquests over cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon with his equally skeezy friends. He is married to a very depressed woman and has two 20-something daughters who refuse to return his phone calls.
Miss Melanoma: Miss Melanoma is in her late teens, has skin the color of a Hershey bar, platinum blonde hair that is always perfectly styled and is super skinny. I'm fairly certain she has obsessive compulsive disorder and hasn't bothered to learn to read because she's banking on marrying well.
Ghostface Kanye: Ghostface Kanye is one of my favorites because he seems to be so happy. He is always rapping along with his i-pod and dancing in front of the mirrors while he rests between sets. He's usually wearing a backpack and always wears a ball cap. I'm fairly certain he spends most of his time in his mom's basement where he smokes a lot of weed, plays a lot of video games and perfects his flow.
Prissy McFidget: Prissy has lovely, thick brown hair that she never stops fidgeting with and restyling while she's going about 1 mile an hour on the elliptical machine so she doesn't break a sweat. I imagine she was the bossiest girl on the playground, takes pride in correcting everyone and is currently majoring in political science (top of her class, of course).
Missing Link: Missing Link has the biggest lambchops I've ever seen and grunts like a gorilla while he is lifting. While not at the gym, I'm pretty sure he enjoys grilling up some opossum that he hit while driving around in his Ford f150.
Nemesis Chad: Nemesis Chad is the gym bully. He's a senior in high school and never wears sleeves so he can show off his guns, but his head looks a bit like one of those Fisher Price "Little People" toys (perfectly round - you know?). He is always surrounded by an entourage of minions, and spends more time mocking their poor form and how weak they are than actually working out.
Sergeant Suspenders: Sergeant Suspenders is my hero. He has to be in his late 70s/early 80s, is perpetually clad in khaki pants with suspenders and rocks on the LifeCycle.
So, if this story thing actually happens, I'm thinking it will have to be a love story wrapped in a Agatha Christie-style murder mystery. I also considered adding a "choose your own adventure" element to end each installment - you know, for audience participation. But I don't know, maybe I'll just spend the rest of my summer vacation watching reruns of America's Next Top Model instead.
I wasn't exaggerating when I said that the only real time I've spent outside of my oven of a house recently has been to go to the gym. As usual, this summer started with the best of intentions but it's August and I have nothing except a consistent work-out routine to show for it. And as far as that goes, I'm fairly certain that I've gained weight since working out rather than losing it. Grrr.
So, my mind wandered a bit while I was sweating it out of the treadmill today, and I'm thinking about writing a story for the blog using people I've encountered at the gym for inspiration. It would be rather ambitious, but I'm considering writing the story in weekly or bi-weekly installments. Here are some characters I've created who may or may not find their way in the story that I may or may not write:
Oldie McSkeezy: Oldie McSkeezy is a man in his late 50's/early 60's with a big old beer gut who spends most of his time wandering around and checking out the bums of teenage girls. In my head, Mr. McSkeezy spends most of his non-gym time at the local bar talking about his many (and largely fictitious) female conquests over cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon with his equally skeezy friends. He is married to a very depressed woman and has two 20-something daughters who refuse to return his phone calls.
Miss Melanoma: Miss Melanoma is in her late teens, has skin the color of a Hershey bar, platinum blonde hair that is always perfectly styled and is super skinny. I'm fairly certain she has obsessive compulsive disorder and hasn't bothered to learn to read because she's banking on marrying well.
Ghostface Kanye: Ghostface Kanye is one of my favorites because he seems to be so happy. He is always rapping along with his i-pod and dancing in front of the mirrors while he rests between sets. He's usually wearing a backpack and always wears a ball cap. I'm fairly certain he spends most of his time in his mom's basement where he smokes a lot of weed, plays a lot of video games and perfects his flow.
Prissy McFidget: Prissy has lovely, thick brown hair that she never stops fidgeting with and restyling while she's going about 1 mile an hour on the elliptical machine so she doesn't break a sweat. I imagine she was the bossiest girl on the playground, takes pride in correcting everyone and is currently majoring in political science (top of her class, of course).
Missing Link: Missing Link has the biggest lambchops I've ever seen and grunts like a gorilla while he is lifting. While not at the gym, I'm pretty sure he enjoys grilling up some opossum that he hit while driving around in his Ford f150.
Nemesis Chad: Nemesis Chad is the gym bully. He's a senior in high school and never wears sleeves so he can show off his guns, but his head looks a bit like one of those Fisher Price "Little People" toys (perfectly round - you know?). He is always surrounded by an entourage of minions, and spends more time mocking their poor form and how weak they are than actually working out.
Sergeant Suspenders: Sergeant Suspenders is my hero. He has to be in his late 70s/early 80s, is perpetually clad in khaki pants with suspenders and rocks on the LifeCycle.
So, if this story thing actually happens, I'm thinking it will have to be a love story wrapped in a Agatha Christie-style murder mystery. I also considered adding a "choose your own adventure" element to end each installment - you know, for audience participation. But I don't know, maybe I'll just spend the rest of my summer vacation watching reruns of America's Next Top Model instead.
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