a few things that, if they were to actually happen, would mean that the events of tonight's vp debates will have met my absurdly high expectations

Sarah Palin enters the stage walking a dinosaur on a leash.

Joe Biden, in an effort to not come off too tough on Palin, enters wearing a fluffy, pink bunny costume.

When asked about his foreign policy experience, Joe Biden begins outlining a brief history of his tenure on the Senate’s Foreign Relations Committee, but somehow ends with an explanation of how many Tanzanians there are in his home state of Delaware, and how he can’t so much as enter a dollar store without tripping on one.

Sarah Palin, when asked about her foreign policy experience, attempts to create a diversion by revealing that her mysterious lesbian friend is Clay Aiken.

Moderator Gwen Ifill, afraid of showing bias, doesn’t correct Palin on the status of Aiken’s gender and instead pulls out a puppy, asking, “Gov. Palin, wouldn’t you agree that this is the cutest puppy ever? Please spend a moment explaining just how cute this puppy is.”

In a desperate effort to make up some of the ground he lost to the puppy, Joe Biden starts to perform a slow strip tease.

Sarah Palin, quick to defend her status as ‘the hot one’ in this Presidential race, removes her power suit to reveal a glittering red bikini, the top of which is decorated with tiny pistols fashioned out of rhinestones.

Moderator Gwen Ifill, afraid of showing bias, tells both VP candidates that they both look “quite nice.”

In an attempt to show how totally, absolutely, unarguably not racist he is, Joe Biden caps off his summary statements by announcing that his mother was Pakistani, then gives the Black Power salute.

Not to be outdone, Sarah Palin looks straight into the camera and reassures America that one of her very best friends is black, and while that isn’t a decision she would make for herself, she respects her friend’s choice.

Seriously folks, I'm positively giddy. There will be popcorn.