As hard as it is for me to believe, I'm going to be boarding a plane bound for Italy in a mere seven days and am pretty excited about it, although not excited enough to bother to learn any Italian, apparently. Since my knowledge of the country is pretty much limited to the first thirty minutes of The Godfather II, I decided to consult my dear friend Interweb for some general suggestion as well as a preview of what to expect. I've been told that the people are friendly, stuff is relatively cheap, the men are flirtatious but mostly harmless, and that anti-American sentiments are rare.
Which is good.
But I have been warned against gypsies, roving mobs of children who will attempt to distract me whilst robbing me blind, and "dodgy loos."
Which is not so good.
So, seeing as my Italian vocabulary begins and ends with one word: ciao, I decided it might be a good idea to plug some key "worst case scenario" phrases into the little translation thingy that came with my fancy new computer. I'm sharing the results since many of my readers are coming with me on my excursion and thought they might like to print it off and laminate it to keep as a handy pocket reference. Just in case.
(And if you're not coming with me, hence have no need for Italian phrases, I'd be happy to translate the f-word into pretty much any language you'd like. Again, just in case.)
For riding the metro:
Il caro dio, che cosa è quell'odore terribile?
Dear god, what is that terrible smell?
Rimuova gentilmente la vostra mano dal mio asino, signore. Appena li conosco.
Kindly remove your hand from my ass, sir. I hardly know you.
Per favore, signore. So che sono graziosi, ma smettono di guardare i miei allievi. È creepy, sono troppo giovani, ed nelle maggiori parte dell' america almeno che significa qualcosa.
Please, sir. I know they're cute, but stop leering at my students. It's creepy, they're underage, and, at least in most parts of America, that means something.
When dining out:
Potete dire a chiaramente dalla camicia hawaiana del mio padre che siamo turisti e ritengo sospetto che potete farli pagare troppo di conseguenza. Ciò lo frustra, comunque ci è niente possa fare a questo proposito, in modo da... il.just sa penso che siate un uomo difettoso e difettoso.
You can clearly tell from my father's Hawaiian shirt that we are tourists, and I suspect you may be overcharging me as a result. This frustrates me, however there is nothing I can do about it, so....just know that I think you're a bad, bad man.
Cameriere, prego nessun vino per il mio allievo. Ciò è un viaggio della scuola. (Ma se poteste versare alcuno in una bottiglia del coke per me, quello sarebbe impressionante.)
Waiter, please no wine for my students. This is a school trip. (But if you could pour some in a coke bottle for me, that would be awesome.)
Scusilo, voi hanno altra stanza da bagno? Che il suo piccolo sporco.
Excuse me, do you have another bathroom? That loo's a bit dodgy.
And for traversing the city streets:
Aiuto! Polizia! Sto attacando da uno swarm dei bambini selvaggi e thieving! Freaking la torsione di Oliver fuori qui!
Help! Police! I'm being attacked by a swarm of feral, thieving children! It's freaking Oliver Twist out here!
Prego, Sr/Sra gypsy, venite da una storia di odio e della tragedia e per questo sono spiacente, in modo da rubi il mio sacchetto se dovete, ma almeno lasciarmi il mio passaporto. Grazie.
Please, Mr/Mrs gypsy, you come from a long history of hatred and tragedy and for this I am sorry, so steal my bag if you must, but at least leave me my passport. Thank you.
Qualcuno aiuta! Ho fatto arrabbiare la mafia, non posso funzionare in questi adorable tuttavia poco pratico talloni di Prada ed il mio marito sta inseguendo dal mio nuovo amante arrabbiato. Ha potuto essere il vino, la pasta,il gelato o il numero di stereotipi dentro questo piano d'azione ma esso è troppo. Mi sviluppo debole. Leghilo alla vostra motocicletta, passimi un altro vetro del chianti ed accendiamo - alla villa!
Someone help! I've angered the mafia, can't run in these adorable yet impractical Prada heels, and my husband is being hunted down by my very new but very jealous red-hot Latin lover. Maybe it's the pasta, perhaps the gelato, but most likely the sheer number of absurd stereotypes in this little scenario, and it's all become a bit more than I can manage. I grow faint. Strap me to your motorbike, pass me another glass of chianti and on we shall go - to the villa!
And that's all I can think of for now, but please - should any of you need anything translated - do let me know. My schedule is pretty jam-packed between catching up on my Nexflix rentals and shopping for good walking shoes, but I'm pretty sure I squeeze you in. Somewhere. Somehow. (Sigh!)
Which is good.
But I have been warned against gypsies, roving mobs of children who will attempt to distract me whilst robbing me blind, and "dodgy loos."
Which is not so good.
So, seeing as my Italian vocabulary begins and ends with one word: ciao, I decided it might be a good idea to plug some key "worst case scenario" phrases into the little translation thingy that came with my fancy new computer. I'm sharing the results since many of my readers are coming with me on my excursion and thought they might like to print it off and laminate it to keep as a handy pocket reference. Just in case.
(And if you're not coming with me, hence have no need for Italian phrases, I'd be happy to translate the f-word into pretty much any language you'd like. Again, just in case.)
For riding the metro:
Il caro dio, che cosa è quell'odore terribile?
Dear god, what is that terrible smell?
Rimuova gentilmente la vostra mano dal mio asino, signore. Appena li conosco.
Kindly remove your hand from my ass, sir. I hardly know you.
Per favore, signore. So che sono graziosi, ma smettono di guardare i miei allievi. È creepy, sono troppo giovani, ed nelle maggiori parte dell' america almeno che significa qualcosa.
Please, sir. I know they're cute, but stop leering at my students. It's creepy, they're underage, and, at least in most parts of America, that means something.
When dining out:
Potete dire a chiaramente dalla camicia hawaiana del mio padre che siamo turisti e ritengo sospetto che potete farli pagare troppo di conseguenza. Ciò lo frustra, comunque ci è niente possa fare a questo proposito, in modo da... il.just sa penso che siate un uomo difettoso e difettoso.
You can clearly tell from my father's Hawaiian shirt that we are tourists, and I suspect you may be overcharging me as a result. This frustrates me, however there is nothing I can do about it, so....just know that I think you're a bad, bad man.
Cameriere, prego nessun vino per il mio allievo. Ciò è un viaggio della scuola. (Ma se poteste versare alcuno in una bottiglia del coke per me, quello sarebbe impressionante.)
Waiter, please no wine for my students. This is a school trip. (But if you could pour some in a coke bottle for me, that would be awesome.)
Scusilo, voi hanno altra stanza da bagno? Che il suo piccolo sporco.
Excuse me, do you have another bathroom? That loo's a bit dodgy.
And for traversing the city streets:
Aiuto! Polizia! Sto attacando da uno swarm dei bambini selvaggi e thieving! Freaking la torsione di Oliver fuori qui!
Help! Police! I'm being attacked by a swarm of feral, thieving children! It's freaking Oliver Twist out here!
Prego, Sr/Sra gypsy, venite da una storia di odio e della tragedia e per questo sono spiacente, in modo da rubi il mio sacchetto se dovete, ma almeno lasciarmi il mio passaporto. Grazie.
Please, Mr/Mrs gypsy, you come from a long history of hatred and tragedy and for this I am sorry, so steal my bag if you must, but at least leave me my passport. Thank you.
Qualcuno aiuta! Ho fatto arrabbiare la mafia, non posso funzionare in questi adorable tuttavia poco pratico talloni di Prada ed il mio marito sta inseguendo dal mio nuovo amante arrabbiato. Ha potuto essere il vino, la pasta,il gelato o il numero di stereotipi dentro questo piano d'azione ma esso è troppo. Mi sviluppo debole. Leghilo alla vostra motocicletta, passimi un altro vetro del chianti ed accendiamo - alla villa!
Someone help! I've angered the mafia, can't run in these adorable yet impractical Prada heels, and my husband is being hunted down by my very new but very jealous red-hot Latin lover. Maybe it's the pasta, perhaps the gelato, but most likely the sheer number of absurd stereotypes in this little scenario, and it's all become a bit more than I can manage. I grow faint. Strap me to your motorbike, pass me another glass of chianti and on we shall go - to the villa!
And that's all I can think of for now, but please - should any of you need anything translated - do let me know. My schedule is pretty jam-packed between catching up on my Nexflix rentals and shopping for good walking shoes, but I'm pretty sure I squeeze you in. Somewhere. Somehow. (Sigh!)
1 Comments:
When I went to Italy, I learned some Italian, but the following are actually very useful phrases:
Lasciami and Dov'e il bagno?
Leave me, and Where is the bathroom?
The first was useful when I was groped by a troll in a train station. It happens. The second...well, I didn't use it, but knowing it gave me neverending confidence.
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